Kimmy Solves A Murder! Emily Drouillard
COLD OPEN FADE IN: INT. DARK THEATRE - DREAM
We start black and PAN UP to a backlit dark stage with a man sitting at a DESK. SPOTLIGHT turns on; dim at first, showing TITUS at desk in a suit with white wig.
Titus begins snapping fingers and to SENSUAL JAZZ MUSIC.
TITUS I’m just a Bill on Capitol Hill /
Tryna make myself some stacks / But when I tire and there’s no one left to fire / I like to wind down with some Sax...
Titus pulls out SAXOPHONE from desk drawer. Lights illuminate entire stage, set to look like OVAL OFFICE.
TITUS But a saxophone alone / Is a mighty
sad tone / So to join me on harmonica / I call Monica!
MONICA ENTERS from STAGE LEFT and ZOOM IN on her face. As she walks over while seductively tooting HARMONICA, PAN OUT to show her approaching AL NADAR (CRAIG ROBINSON?) dressed as Clinton in desk chair. PAN to Titus, now dressed like HILARY CLINTON, with look of terror on his face.
TITUS (Screams and rifles through bag) WHERE IS MY HOT SAUCE?
’DREAMY’ FADE TO: INT. TITUS’S BEDROOM - MORNING
OVERHEAD VIEW of Titus in bed, tangled in sheets, wakes up panicking and sweaty.
TITUS Why didn’t I get that role?? I was
meant to play America’s First Black President! Damn you, Al Nadar, role thief!
THEME SONG SCENE ONE
INT. VOORHEES KITCHEN - MORNING JACQUELINE enters kitchen dramatically.
JACQUELINE There’s been a MURDER!
Jacqueline! What happened? Are you ok??
(Whispers) Why’d you do it?
JACQUELINE No, no, it’s actually ju--
KIMMY --I can call up Lillian, I’m sure
she knows someone. And how do you feel about the name ’January Jones’? That sounds pretty real.
JACQUELINE That’s a real name, Kimmy.
KIMMY What? Okay, let’s go with ’October
Smith’ for now. I can drive the car if you want to do an OJ car chase -- no idea why it’s name after juice though.
JACQUELINE I haven’t committed a murder, I’m
KIMMY Okay, less urgent, but still pretty
bad, Mrs. Voorhees.
JACQUELINE Oh, calm down, Patrick Bateman.
Real murder is very tacky. I’m planning a murder mystery party! Read the rest of this entry »